Divorce and post-divorce conflict can be traumatic to children.  To help your children through this difficult period, we recommend that you and your (ex) spouse consider adopting these guidelines.

1.     Neither parent shall deny the children reasonable use of the telephone to place and receive calls with the other parent and relatives.

2.     Neither parent shall speak or write derogatory remarks about the other parent to the children, or engage in abusive, coarse or foul language, which can be overheard by the children whether or not the language involves the other parent.

3.     Neither parent shall permit the children to overhear arguments, negotiations or other substantive discussions about legal or business dealings between the parents.

4.     Neither parent shall physically or psychologically attempt to pressure, attempt to influence, pressure or influence the children concerning the personal opinion or position of the children concerning legal proceedings between the parents.

5.     Each parent will permit the children to display photographs of the other parent or both parents in the children's room.

6.     Neither parent shall communicate moral judgments about the other parent to the children concerning the other parent's choice of values, lifestyle, choice of friends, successes or failures in life (career, financial, relational) or residential choice.

7.     The parents will acknowledge to the children that the children have two homes although the children may spend more time at one home than the other.

8.     The parents shall cooperate to the greatest extent practicable in sharing time with the children.

9.     Each parent will permit the children to retain, and allow easy access to, correspondence, greeting cards, and other written materials received from the other parent.

10.     Each parent will respect the physical integrity of items possessed by the children which depict the other parent or remind the children of the other parent.

11.     Neither parent will trivialize, or deny the existence of the other parent to the children.

12.     Neither parent will interrogate the children about the other parent nor will either parent discourage comments by the children about the other parent.

13.     Neither parent will intercept, "lose", derail, "forget" or otherwise interfere with communications to the children from the other parent.

14.     Neither parent will refuse to acknowledge that the children can have or should have good experiences with the other parent.

15.     Neither parent will directly or indirectly attack or criticize to the children the extended family of the other parent, the other parent's career, the living and travel arrangements of the other parent, or lawful activities of the other parent or associates of the other parent.

16.     Neither parent will use the children as a "middleman" by using the children to communicate with the other parent on inappropriate topics.

17.     Neither parent will undermine the other parent in the eyes of the children by engaging in the "circumstantial syndrome" which is done by manipulating, changing, or rearranging facts.

18.     Neither parent will create for, or exaggerate to, the children differences between the parents.

19.     Neither parent will say and do things with an eye to gaining the children as an "ally" against the other parent.

20.     Neither parent will encourage or instruct the children to be disobedient to the other parent, stepparents, or relatives.

21.     Neither parent will reward the children to act negatively toward the other parent.

22.     Neither parent will try to make the children believe he or she loves the children more than the other parent, by, for example, saying that he or she loves the children more than the other parent or over-informing the children on adult topics or overindulging the children.

23.     Neither parent will discuss child support issues with the children.

24.     Neither parent will engage in judgmental, opinionated or negative commentary, physical inspections or interrogations once the children arrive from his/her other home.

25.     Neither parent will "rewrite" or "re-script" facts which the children originally know to be different.

26.     Neither parent will punish the children physically or threaten such punishment in order to influence the children to adopt the parent's negative program, if any, against the other parent.

27.     Neither parent will permit the children to be transported by a person who is intoxicated due to consumption of alcohol or illegal drugs.

28.     Neither parent will smoke tobacco materials inside structures or vehicles occupied at the time by the children.

29.     Each parent will permit the children to carry gifts, toys, clothing, and other items belonging to the children with him or her to the residence of the other parent or relatives or permit the children to take gifts, toys, clothing, and other items belonging to the children back to the residence of the other parent, as the case may be, to facilitate the children having with him or her objects, important to the children. The gifts, toys, clothing and other items belonging to the children referred to here mean items which are reasonable transportable and does not include pets (which the parents agree are impractical to move about).